Travis took the Jeep to work today, so I had to use the truck. And I use the term "truck" very loosely. It's more akin to something that Jeff Foxworthy, Larry the Cable Guy, and a whole host of "Bubbas" and "Cooters" would collaborate on in order to materialize their dream vehicle. It's a Ford 1 Ton with hydraulic hay forks, a grill guard the size of Manhattan, and an ELEVEN FOOT flat bed. It's kind of embarrassing to drive this behemoth. Partially because when we fire it up for a trip home, my parents can hear it all the way in Mount Vernon. I'm also scared of unwittingly driving over Smart cars, tandem bicycles, and small apartment complexes. But, since I lost the smack down between my Mazda6 and that Ford Expedition, the truck is my new means of transportation. Don't get me wrong, I'm very thankful that we had two other vehicles besides my car. Getting up at 6:30 in the morning and dragging Avery out of bed to take Travis to work in our solo vehicle would not have been fun......at all. So, I realize that our monster truck is a blessing, albeit in a very loud and gas-guzzling disguise. So anyways, I went to run errands today and when I opened the door to reach the drive-through canister at the bank, the door handle broke clean off. Okay, okay, not a huge deal. The part is cheap and it's something Travis can easily fix. So, I roll down the window to open the door with the outside handle. Yeah, not happening. I tried as hard as I could without making a scene. I was unsuccessful at that tactic, so there was no way I was going to be reaching that canister in order to get my deposit receipt out. Thankfully the "call" button was within my reach, so I had to call the teller and shame-facedley ask her to zip that canister right back up and just shred the receipt for me since I couldn't reach it. So we went on to do the grocery shopping. I was able to get out through Avery's side without too much embarrassment. We got our shopping done, loaded up the floor board to the gills with our groceries, and went merrily on our way. When I got home, my next door neighbor was sitting outside. I was not thrilled at the fact that she was going to see my shimmy over and out through the passenger side, but what are ya gonna do. But then I looked over and saw all those groceries packed up to Avery's feet, and realized that I was trapped...in my own driveway. I tried to wrestle my door open through the window in the most lady-like manner possible. Nothing. So, I just sat there for a while trying to send my neighbor a mental message to go back in her house. But that wasn't happening. She had herself a magazine and, by the looks of it, was nowhere near through reading it. I know you are probably wondering why I didn't just call over to her and ask if she would be so kind as to open my door for me, and then afterwards we'd just laugh about it over tea and scones. The thing is, my neighbor only stays at that house a few weeks out of the year. It was her dad's house, and since he passed away, they only come and stay a few days at a time to keep it clean and check on everything. And I only know that much because Travis has talked to her. That's right, I've never spoken to the woman. I just couldn't have our first conversation be premised on my being trapped in my own vehicle. A few minutes went by, Avery was starting to ask to get out, and my yogurt was starting to get tepid. I kept waiting for my neighbor to go inside so that I could manhandle that door like a Sumo wrestler. But unfortunately, the weather was just too lovely and that magazine was just too intriguing. So I tried to steel myself for the inevitable: I was going to have to climb out the window. But first, I decided to give the door one more try, so with a desperate prayer to be saved from humiliation, I reached out the window and squeezed the handle as hard as I could. It easily opened, and I was able to walk out with my pride.Yeah......unfortunately, that is not how it went down. The door did open, but not until after I flew forward with the momentum from pushing and smacked myself square in the face with the door frame. I am unaware if my neighbor saw this fiasco, because I refused to look at her. I know that is extremely unfriendly, but if she did see, then I like to think that I saved us both some embarrassment: mine because of my face plant, and hers because of the hysterical laughter she would have had to try and hide had I approached her for some neighborly chatter. Maybe she was having a really bad day and God used my humiliation to give her a laugh and brighten her spirits. Yes.....yes, that's what I'm going to tell myself.
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